MUMMY , WE SHALL KEEP YOU ALIVE !!!!!!!!
It’s been almost three month when mummy breathed her last on 3rd June, this year at 7.15 pm. I know it’s late to write now, but in spite of several attempts I just couldn’t muster the courage to write about her in the past tense. My mind fails to accept the fact that she is no more. But I agree with my mind, because she is with us and around us even now, and in fact even more than what she was when she was alive.
Smt Savitri Kapoor was the daughter of Shri Moti Lal Mehrotra of Lucknow, a leading businessman of UP, born on 30th September 1930 ,the sixth daughter amongst her twelve siblings. She grew up in a huge extended joint family at their ancestral home at Ganeshgunj, Lucknow and though she was good in Maths, she didn’t go to school after class five. Married to her eldest sisters dewar, Mr Vijay Krishna Kapoor in Dec 54,she bore three kids in,55,57 and 59,me being the youngest.
Though she had no formal education, she was a unconventional lady,,,,,much ahead of her times,embracing modern and liberal thoughts. She was a lady who believed in practicality, education and woman empowerment. At times when ladies are busy making jewelry she used to save for our education. She almost forced our father and fought with our grandfather to ensure that we studies in the best convents. Her concern did not stop with admission, she took the responsibility of looking after our studies too.She didn’t study for herself but she studied for us. She would put us to bed early and read our text books, wake us at 4am and we three would study from 4 to 6am daily. She had planned our days for us so well that we had time for everything, games, play, friends, self, hobbies, studies and even an hour of daily compulsory afternoon nap. Even the most qualified teachers in the best of the schools today, undergo training, workshops and seminars to plan studies these days, but she use to do it so well that we were always a chapter ahead in all subjects in the class and were ready for tests and exams any day to the extent that she never let us miss any occasion on the pretext of ongoing or forthcoming tests or exams. With no tuition and support she managed our studies till sixth standard when we were big enough to manage them ourselves and help each other.
Her management skills, planning, discipline, respect for time and punctuality were par excellence, enough to earn her two honorary management degrees. She was so strict a disciplinarian that we could never think of bunking school or getting late. We always well dressed and never went to school without proper tiffin. She was good at multitasking and had great respect for time and had excellent time management and never wasted a moment in unnecessary gossip..She was a straightforward lady and never minced her words to hide the truth. She expressed her views emphatically, but ensuring that she didn’t hurt anyone. She was stricter than our teachers and ensured that we spoke in English amongst us at home, and gradually she too picked up enough to understand all we said and could reply too in broken sentences. She made us socially wise too by making us participate in house hold work, take responsibilities and learn to handle money and do shopping at a very young age. She had faith in her children and trusted us, and we never lied to her.She had a great sense of the strengths and weaknesses of each one of us and she handled them so well that we became complimentary to each other and her efforts hid our weaknesses and enabled our strengths to grow.
She was a great homemaker, a superb cook and a wonderful host. She had the blessings of Ma Annapoorna, and she could feed three – four guests at any time with a proper meal. She was a pure vegetarian but cooked excellent mutton. Most of what she cooked was the best and she was blessed with speed at work, which enabled her to have lots of time for all her other domestic and social activities. The taste of her food still lingers in our minds and the best of global food can never match that. She was very good at embroidery and knitting, and we wore beautiful colorful cardigans knitted by her. She knitted fifty smart shawls to gift to ladies for my brother’s wedding.
She was a strong lady with a great determination and could cross any hurdles and face any problems and challenges to see her wishes, plans and dreams come true. She was bold and far ahead of time and far from orthodoxy or backwardness, so very prevalent amongst ladies and even men of her age and social background. She used her skills well to execute her events and all her functions, from a birthday party to our weddings stood apart in themselves as memorable events. She was practical, non superstitious and God fearing. She didn’t spend hours in pooja and in mandir because she knew that the home and we needed her more, but ensured that we celebrated all the festivals with great fun and fervor. She had an obsession for cleanliness and she used this to ensure that our very small house was always spic and span and shining clean. She was a lady with foresight and futuristic outlook, something that even the men of those days lacked. Way back in 1957 she sold all her wedding jewelry to buy a plot where our home stands today and ensured that we build the double storey in 1988, as soon as it was possible and before daddy’s retirement.
She had a very good taste, very different from the other ladies around us in the family, relatives and social circle, and hence we were always best in what we wore, ate, had or did and she ensured to hand over the good taste and love for maintaining a standard of living to us. Initialy she saved all for us but after our marriages, she had a big and the best wardrobe for herself and was always well dressed for weather and climate. Whatever we are today, we owe it most to her, because besides lot of other good things, what she taught us most was to be happy at all times , to respect what God is giving, have a sense of self respect, enjoy our small and big achievements with pride and above all to live with heads high and dignity in all circumstances.
Besides being a wonderful mother, she proved to be a great mother in law too. She not only accepted bhabhi and my wife with open arms and treated them as her daughters, but from the very beginning she gave them an identity and status in the family and a say in all family matters. Unlike the conventional mothers in law, she was a bridge between the son and bahu and in fact in most circumstances supported the bahu more than the son. This enabled them to be as close to her as we were and in fact even more. She wasn’t their voice, but gave them their own voice. She practiced a unique balance of command and freedom and was a friendly mother in law who motivated, taught and encouraged her daughters in law, as a mother does. She taught my wife cooking, pushed her to learn driving and on her own expense made her peruse further qualifications and was the main person to motivate her to pick up a job. Mummy was that rare saas who wanted to see her bahus spend least time in kitchen. She also ensured a no conflict scenes between them and our sister and created the most desirable scenario of peace, harmony and respect for each other in the family. She taught us helping each other and above all sharing and developed a strong bond of unity among the three of us and our spouses
She was an inspirational and unconventional grandmother too. Not the conventional story telling granny…but the guiding and motivating one. She would inspire her grand children to study, to be good at all, to play together and above all to love each other and be part of family. On every festival or occasion she ensured that all the three generations participated and worked together in arranging for the function. All, from eldest to smallest had earmarked duties and all knew it well. It was a well rehearsed drill, and it was a pleasure seeing nine people from daddy to my youngest daughter working together making sweets and pakwaan on every Holi, Diwali or any other festival or function. The team work gave speed to every work we undertook, with excellent results. Even during holidays she ensured that all kids study for an hour and undertake creative activities. She discussed their dreams and goals in life with them and encouraged them to attain them and above all taught them to grow up with love and bonding for everyone in family. Her relentless effort bore exemplary fruits and enviable results, that the gen next is not only well established and doing well in life but our family can boast of having six children who never fought with each other, leave alone getting abusive or physical.
After successfully completing all her domestic responsibilities, well after the grand kids were big enough in school, she added a new chapter in her life to keep herself occupied. Over the last twenty years of life she turned towards social work and Satsang. She became a very active member of the Ram sewa mandal of Lucknow and started going for satsangs and bhajan to Hanuman setu mandir and several other places. She used to have good bhajan sessions at home every second Saturday, religiously and without any break and started being popularly known as second satureday wali auntyji. She had great love for this and for all attached with it, and showed phenomenal will and stamina to participate in all activities till a week before her death. We all knew about her popularity but much more surfaced after she passed away when hundreds came to mourn her departure from this world.
She was not a career woman but a socialite in true sense. Hail thunder or storm, she would never skip an occasion to join anyone, no matter how distantly she knew them, in their joy and sorrow or moments of need. This was often in spite of her ill health or with disregard to her strict schedule and health and at times even overlooking her discomfort. She was there to help each and everyone, even without their asking for it, financially, emotionally, morally, physically and in any way she could do herself or muster help. She was the honorary head of innumerable families who consulted her in every matter for seeking advice and guidan
Mummy was an Iron lady. She would consult all and take inputs and finally decide and do what she thought was best, and even though we often objected in the beginning in retrospect she was always proved to be correct. Mummy was a great team leader and could get work done efficiently and effectively and what she enjoyed most were the morning post breakfast two hours, getting the house hold work done. She followed the principle of supervised freedom, where she decentralized work but kept a watch. She loved her home and worked hard till her last breath for her grahasthi, monitoring the menu of meals and work of her servants even till the morning of her death,
She was a fortunate lady. Someone who saw all her dreams and ambitions come true, well within her life time, with her determination, hard work, honesty, boldness, sincerity, practicality and planning. She was a very practical lady with no pretensions and always ready to experiment and embrace new things and to keep pace with changing times and trends. She was so good at planning that she planned her death too. She organized a small function at Lucknow to welcome her youngest granddaughter in law on 2nd Jun and hence the whole family was there around her. She didn’t suffer at all, was just in bed for two days, and didn’t trouble anyone, saw and touched her great grand children at 7pm and amongst her children and grand children, peacefully breather her last at 7.15pm in my lap, on 3rd June, which happened to be the auspicious day of Bada mangal.
Have taken longest time ever to pen this down, and it might be disjointed and lack flow and continuity, because though I enjoy my writing, this has been the most painful. They are rather stray thoughts as there is so much to say, share and write and I didn’t know what to choose and what to omit. It’s difficult or rather impossible to accept that she is no more. She was the anchor of the family, and in a family of 23 members of four generations, just her departure has created irreparable damage and disturbed the balance. Her beloved home at Lucknow is closed, my visits to Lucknow have decreased, everyone one misses the daily telephonic conversation with her and above all she is not with us.
You may have left us and gone mummy, but we shall keep you alive,
in our thoughts and hearts and memories,
in the menus of daily cooking and in the food you cooked the best,
in the daily routine and in the spectacular upkeep of our homes,
in keeping the Lucknow home, just as you kept,
in following everything you practiced,
in continuing the life that you made us live and were proud of,
in the discipline, multitasking and time management you practiced and taught us,
in doing well and growing in our careers to the best that we can,
in keeping your commitments and relations alive,
in loving all whom you loved,
in taking your dreams ahead,
in, striving to progress and do better and best in life to make your blessings work,
in staying with love, peace and harmony as you wanted,
in handing over the strong bonds of unity of the family to the fourth generation
in doing everything that will make you proud of us,
in being a ideal parent and inspiration for our children and grandchildren as you were and
in keeping you around us healthy, smiling, full of life ,love and energy, eternally.